roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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