her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you inspire me to be a worse person
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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