she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
