Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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