This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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