So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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