My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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