He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
