Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
