She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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