Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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