Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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