what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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