I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
