matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
