my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
