This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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