Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
