i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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