Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
