can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
