So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
