Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
