So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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