Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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