six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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