Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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