hotel room ftw
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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