i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
