try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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