Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
