This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
