I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
