I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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