Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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