already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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