Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I will be naked everywhere
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
