Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
