This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need to calm my uterus...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
