You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
