Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
