i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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