Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
