We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
