So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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