You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
