96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
