So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
