ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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