i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
