call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
