I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
