I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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