there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
