just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
